I want you more than these girls want KFC
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
