We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
