Your dad touched me again.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
