so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
