Walk of Shame today included voting.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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