I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
please come you make the beer taste better
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
