last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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