I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
