I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
