I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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