look no pants
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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