I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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