Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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