Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
