Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
