Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
