booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
