How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
