I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
