I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
