If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
