at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she told me i tasted like america
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
