Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
