dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
