As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
