Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
