Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
