mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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