I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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