Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
