Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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