Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize