I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
