my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
