I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
