Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
