At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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