My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
