Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
