It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
