just come out here and I will go home with you...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
