Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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