This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
