Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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