Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
