my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
