he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
