Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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