I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
