It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
