Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize