The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
