i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
