I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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