Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
