i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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