We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
