This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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