I need help removing her.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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