where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
