Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
