how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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