i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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