i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
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