You're completely useless in the revolution.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
