The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
