So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
