is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
