You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
